20 Things You Think You Should Know About: Charlie Sheen
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Super-fans think they know everything about their favorite stars. They don’t know the half of it. Now they do. Here are facts about your favorite celebs you never knew: and you should be glad.
Today’s Subject: Charlie Sheen
1. Throws right-handed but hits women with his left hand
2. His favorite food is cocaine
3. Loves animals, but not as co-stars, which is why he won’t do a beastiality flick ever again
4. Loves to cook, especially with a spoon and lighter
5. Has no idea he is on a popular TV show
6. Is developing a breakfast cereal called “Prostitutees”. The cereal’s tagline is “They don’t snap, crackle or pop. They just lie there and bang.”
7. Even he doesn’t know what happened to Emilio Estevez
8. Brushes his teeth with Jim Beam
9. Is doing something illegal right now
10. Loves Guns & Roses. Not the band, as a means to apologize to women.
11. Still owns the leather jacket he wore in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Figures it will sell big one day when he dies.
12. Giggles every time he sees the “AA is for quitters” t-shirt
13. Didn’t see Wall Street 2, which is fine, because he doesn’t remember Wall Street
14. Dated Jennifer Grey before the nose job. He is totally pissed she did it after they broke up
15. Sleeps with one eye open. Well, he does now.
16. His favorite season, and stripper name, is Autumn
17. Hasn’t slept since Red Dawn
18. Thinks he already is dead
19. Considers co-star Jon Cryer his best friend. He really loves that chick.
20. His dealer is Angus T. JonesChris Illuminati is a real a**hole and the author of A**holeology and A**holeology: The Cheat Sheet.
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Chris Illuminutty is about as funny as a rubber crutch.