6 Reasons Not To Go Out Drinking On Thanksgiving Eve

    November 24, 2010 at 5:00 am

    Thanksgiving Eve is a huge party night. Old friends gather together at the local bar, recall stories and people of the past, and thankfully drink to another year of blessings. Sounds like a Norman Rockwell painting.

    It ain’t.

    The bars are crowded. The drinks are overpriced even though you’ve paid a cover to get in the same bar that is usually free. The people are just as annoying as you remember, even more so now that they’ve gotten a few years older. Don’t go out on Thanksgiving Eve. Here are six reasons to stay home.

    Cops Are Waiting

    Thanksgiving Eve is now the party night of the year. Know who else knows that? The cops. They’re on high alert and ready to pull over anyone that even looks like they are thinking about doing something illegal. Is it really worth a DUI and losing your license just for dollar drinks with people you really do see all year long.

    It Ruins Thanksgiving

    Thanksgiving is really supposed to be about a day of giving thanks, relaxing with family and friends and just enjoying the day off. Hard to do when you can’t feel your face and you’ve thrown up five times even before your aunt’s terrible mashed sweet potatoes. By the time the hangover subsides the day is over. Plus, turkey and stuffing goes awful with Gatorade and Alka Seltzer.

    It’s Amateur Night

    It’s not like everyone goes out, has a good time, and parts company after a few rounds. Nope. People get messy. Sloppy. Piss drunk. Especially the people that don’t drink all year long and make this the one night to throw back booze like it’s bottles of Aquafina. By the third hour the bar is a sh*t show.

    Who Cares About Old Classmates?

    If you still talk to all the people you liked in school and finally stopped having to deal with all the toolboxes you couldn’t stand, why the hell would you want to subject yourself to that situation again? It will be all the same people, talking only to the people they did in school, which made you hate school in the first place. If you really want to find old classmates, stick to Facebook stalking.

    Save The Calories Fat A**

    It’s obvious from your massive gut you enjoy the finer tastes in life. Kidding. You eat McDonald’s three times a week. You are rotund though, and Thanksgiving is your favorite holiday, so why not cut down on the calories consumed by staying away from drinking the evening before the big meal. You’ll have more room for pumpkin pie. Probably the entire pumpkin pie based on your past accomplishments.

    You’re Too Damn Old

    Look around the bar if you do end up heading out for some drinks. These aren’t the people you went to school with. These are the children of the people you went to school with. People that go out for Thanksgiving Eve are college students catching up with old high school friends or locals that never got out of dodge and are having drinks with all the people lucky enough to leave. All the people you went to school with are home with their kids or at a bar more for a person more your age. A place that offers $1 off with your AARP card.

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