Would You Rather? With Comedian Aaron Karo
Aaron Karo is a stand-up comic and author best known for his email column Ruminations. In 1997, as a freshman at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, Karo sent a funny (semi-drunk) email of his observations about a night out to about twenty of his friends at different schools. Those friends forwarded the email to other friends. Karo decided to turn the idea into a weekly emailed column called Ruminations on College Life. Through forwarding and word-of-mouth, the subscriber base grew to over a hundred thousand weekly readers.
Since then, Karo has published three books and gone on to a successful comedy career. Karo’s latest stand-up special The Rest Is History airs on Comedy Central on November 19th at 11pm.
Aaron took time out to do an interview and we both agreed that straight-up question and answer articles are boring as hell. I proposed playing the “Would you rather?” game. It may or may not have been a good idea. Our lawyers will figure all that out.
EgoTV: Ok, so are you ready for “Would you rather?”
Aaron Karo: I’m not sure. But let’s try it.
EgoTV: Would you rather crap out of your mouth or eat with your butt?
AK: Isn’t that a South Park episode? I’d much rather eat with my a**. Who wants crap in their mouth?
EgoTV: Would it change the way people do things?
AK: Well on the positive side, the butt would be less taboo, since it’s out all the time in restaurants and public places. That’s good for me, since I’m kind of an a**man. If your crapping out of your mouth wouldn’t it also change the whole way people kiss. Taking into account people are crapping through their teeth. Is this what my life has come to? Debating this?
EgoTV: What if it was just you? Only you had this problem.
AK: Well then you’d live in some type of home. A special place only for you. With a special table for the butt eater.
EgoTV: Since your books and stand-up involve meeting and hitting on women, how would you explain this issue to a woman?
AK: You’re not going to move on to the next question, are you?
EgoTV: Nope. Let’s say it’s your fourth date and you finally decide to tell her…
AK: Wait, I’ve been on four dates with this woman and she is yet to notice I eat with my a**?!? Let’s move on. You’re killing the profession of journalism with every passing minute.
EgoTV: Ok, we will move on. Second question “Would you rather project the message that you’re an easy mark (a sucker) or project the message for everyone to leave you alone?”
AK: Simple. Leave me alone. I hate people. But I’m a comedian and my job is to perform in front of people. My friend put it best calling me “a people person that hates people.” It’s this hatred that makes me buy everything online and never leave the house.
EgoTV: What dumb question do you get the most about being a comedian?
AK: Comedians get a lot of dumb questions. The one I get the most is “so you do stand-up?” I guess they just don’t know what to ask after I say I’m a comedian. I’ll usually answer with the line from Major League “Yup, we’ve got uniforms and everything.” The follow-up to that is always “do you write your own jokes?” I usually just answer everything with “Google it.”
EgoTV: It’s common for actors to not watch themselves in movies. Do comedians watch their own specials?
AK: Well I’m having a viewing party in New York the night it airs. So that should tell you how I feel about it.
EgoTV: Good. I was afraid you were going to say you were going to sit home alone and watch it in a dimly lit room.
AK: Well, I don’t know if I’m going to watch it as much as watch the women who’ll be watching it. These are the same girls I’ll most likely be hitting on if they laugh enough. But I was in the editing room for this special so I’ve seen it four billion times.
EgoTV: That’s a great opening line “Hi, I’m the guy on the screen right there.”
AK: True. Another good move is to just stand there and they notice and go “Heyyyyy!” and I go “Heyyyyyy!” and then it’s all over. By the way, this game is very flawed. Please note that in the interview.
EgoTV: Well, the game where these questions come from was like $5.99. So I guess I’m getting what I paid for. You’ve got two more so you’re going to have to power through these.
AK: Really painful. But go ahead.
EgoTV: Would you rather have the power to read minds or the power to make anyone fall in love with you?
AK: If you had the power to make a woman fall in love with you, you’d get bored with her after a while, and that’s just called marriage. I’d read minds then I can do just about anything, including making people fall in love with me. There. I beat the game. Game over. Let’s stop.
EgoTV: You’ve got one more. I promise this is it then we can talk about euthanasia or whatever else you’ve got in mind.
AK: Sounds fair.
EgoTV: Would you rather have someone snoop through your closet or through your computer files?
AK: I’d rather have people look through my closet. They’ll find bad clothing choices. Lord knows what people will find on my computer.
EgoTV: Have you ever been caught looking at a questionable website.
AK: Yes, of course, because at my day job hundreds of people walk past my desk all day. No! Of course not, I’m home alone all day. No one stands over my shoulder. Pick another question, at random, there has got to be a good question in the bunch.
EgoTV: I’ll pick one more card, at random, to wrap this all up. How about this one “Would you rather run into your spouses mother renting a porno or…”
AK: What! Renting a porno? Take my name off this piece. Use a pseudonym. This is absurd. Renting? Renting! Not even buying. Renting. On VHS. I’m done. This isn’t 1987. People don’t just go down to the Hollywood Video anymore to get smut.
EgoTV: Remember the back rooms at those stores. You’d go in and pray no one was standing there when you walked out. Who would be the worst person to run into coming out of the smut room at a video store?
AK: Obviously my mom. Luckily she rented smut from a different store.
Aaron Karo’s stand-up special The Rest Is History premieres on November 19th at 11 pm on Comedy Central. The uncut/uncensored album and video will be released digitally on November 20th through New Wave DynamicsSpeak Your MindTell us what you're thinking... and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!