• by chrisilluminati
• (1) Comment 

November 5, 2010 at 11:00 am

Super-fans think they know everything about their favorite stars. They don’t know the half of it. Now they do. Here are facts about your favorite celebs you never knew: and you should be glad.

Today’s Subject: Kim Kardashian

1. Her father was the famous attorney Lionel Hutz
2. Didn’t know Ray J was filming them having sex because her view was obstructed by her massive ass
3. Only dates African American athletes. She’ll get to you eventually Doug Glanville
4. How can you just leave me standing?Alone in a world that’s so cold? (So cold) Maybe I’m just too demanding. Maybe I’m just like my father too bold
5. Loves a clean shaven man (besides Khloe)
6. Buys all her shirts at Forever 21 and her pants at Hefty
7. Likes to snack on packets of buttons from new coats
8. Her favorite Spice Girl is Mrs. Dash
9. Wrote for the Monty Python show
10. Her favorite poet is the Fresh Prince
11. Wrote a term paper in high school titled “Have you seen me? None of this will matter.”
12. Misses Uncle O.J
13. Her Twitter account has been nominated for the Nobel Prize for literature for the past four years in a row.
14. Hates fat people
15. Her nickname in high school “the only hot sister”
16. Thinks the movie Jungle Fever is a documentary
17. Hates her mother as much as we do
18. Loves the word “ointment”
19. Once kicked a homeless man in the face for not recognizing her
20. Is secretly in love with the writer of this article

Chris Illuminati is a real a**hole and the author of A**holeology and A**holeology: The Cheat Sheet.

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