Video Game Moves We Wish Were Real

    November 1, 2010 at 6:00 am

    Video game moves

    Video games allow the player to escape to an alternate reality where they can become elite military personnel, fighter pilots, wizards and countless other amazing characters. But, once the hum of a console is turned off, one can’t help but wonder what it would be like if we could acquire some of these skills or moves in the real world. Here are 8 video game moves that don’t work in real life (but we wish they did).


    Hadouken video game move

    Despite millions of documented individual efforts, the Hadouken simply “can’t be done.” What a shame. Whether clearing space on the subway, quickly dealing with panhandlers, or getting that promotion (you always wanted), the Hadouken would be a wonderful addition to ordinary life.

    Scorpion’s Spear Move

    Scorpion's Spear video game move

    Scorpion’s spear move would clearly come in handy in combat situations, but could it be used every day around the house? Yes. Remote control, GET OVER HERE! Piece of pizza, GET OVER HERE! Infant baby… kidding.

    Driving on Sidewalks

    Driving on sidewalks

    Society says, driving on sidewalks is bad. Video games say, it’s okay and actually quite fun. The world would be a better place if you could drive on the sidewalk, not only would there be more room for swerving around idiots in traffic, but you might also be able to take out a few Green Peace street team members as a bonus.

    Amazing Climbing Abilities

    Amazing climbing abilities in video games

    Whether it’s Tomb Raider, Prince of Persia, Assassin’s Creed or Uncharted, climbing in video games seems pretty easy. Watching even the most experienced climbers, one realizes, they’re no Lara Croft. And although I can’t say my life is not fulfilling without such abilities, at the least, it would be pretty damn sweet.

    Flower Power

    Super Mario flower power

    Flowers, for lack of a better word, are boring. This of course would be different if they would simply grant us the ability to throw fireballs from our hands. From starting the barbecue up the right way, to lighting cigarettes for strippers, the applications are endless. Not to mention the ability to kill menacing turtles and squat mushroom men.

    Cheat Codes

    Cheat codes in video games

    Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right…. if you’re 30-40 years old male, this is practically your pledge of allegiance. Though some purists denounce the use of cheats, I’d assume they’d all change their mind if it could actually be done in real life. Cancer? AIDS? Old Age? Who cares. Use the code!

    Adding Spin to Your Golf Ball mid-Flight

    Tiger Woods golfing video game

    I’ve played Tiger Woods PGA Tour for years, but I recently picked up the actual sport. Much to my surprise, not only did I NOT shoot a 58, I wasn’t able to add spin to my ball mid-flight. WTF?

    Picking Up Items Without Bending Over

    Video game moves we wish were real

    In a lot of games, picking an item up is as easy as running directly over it, eliminating any need for bending over. Man would this come in handy around the house. No more bending over like a sucker to pick up dirty Kleenex and lotion bottles.

    Eating Food to Regain Health

    Video game moves we wish were real

    Wouldn’t it be nice if you could go and get your ass kicked in a street fight and then simply eat your way back to health? In video games, it works. But sadly, in real life, it does not. It’s a shame, really. I want to live in a world where medical help is available in the form of chicken legs randomly placed throughout the city.



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