7 Halloween Costume Ideas For Lindsay Lohan

 
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    October 22, 2010 at 5:00 am

    As the calendar turns to another October, the holiday of Halloween slowly creeps up on us like boxer-briefs during a spin class. The next thing you know it’s only a couple days away and you’ve got nothing to wear. 

Imagine the pressure for celebs. Those huge Halloween parties with countless other famous people, industry heavyweights and paparazzi lined around the corner and hiding in dumpsters to snap some costume chaos.

    So what will eternal party-girl and abuser Lindsay Lohan be this Halloween. If she is thrown back in the slammer it will be a cute little prisoner outfit. If she is out on the prowl she has to really make a statement this year, because, well it looks like this might be her last Halloween on Earth.

    Here are some ideas for Lilo.

    Clean & Sober Lindsay

    Halloween is the night that everyone is allowed to be the opposite of their real life persona; nice girls are slutty, smart people play dumb and those that are usually clean and sober end up in a ditch with a rubber mask shoved up their candy corn hole. Halloween is the perfect excuse for Lindsay to act like a normal person; coherent, drug free and having a sensibly good time. Much like every Halloween costume, it will only last about an hour and then it gets ripped off, much like Lindsay will after going an ENTIRE HOUR sober. Worst. hour. ever. peeps.

    Sexy Crackhead

    Halloween makes every profession “sexy”: sexy nurses, sexy waitresses, sexy proctologists and any other real job that can be done wearing garters and tit-hugging tops. Since Lindsay is a full-time crackhead, why not sexy it up. It doesn’t even involve a costume, she just has to pick something out of her closet. What dress both accentuates the tracks in her arms but also hides the scram bracelet on her ankle?

    Paris Hilton

    It’s always fun when celebs poke fun at those of their own ilk. It would be an absolute riot if Lindsay dressed up like the other drug abusing, headline stealing party girl Paris. She can spend the entire night of Halloween mistaking cocaine for gum and taking the purses of other female partygoers and then proclaim “this isn’t my purse”.

    The Other Girl From The Parent Trap

    Honestly, this should not only be Lindsay ’s Halloween costume but her entire defense whenever she fails a drug test or has to go to rehab or jail. It wasn’t me, it was that “other little girl from Parent Trap”. It’s a fool proof plan for an otherwise giant fool. “Great costume Lindsay ! I loved you in that movie!” “Who is Lindsay ? I’m the other girl!” (Look at camera. Wink.)

    Box Of Wine

    These costume works on several levels; first, of course, it’s huge and a great way for Lindsay to conceal all her drugs for the entire evening and secondly it’s a fantastic way to meet new people and maybe get back some of the attention and public adoration she so desperately craves. It’s like the guy that hangs out at the keg just to pump and top everyone off. It’s a way to mingle. “I need wine. Where the hell is that ginger girl with the Casio calculator watch on her ankle?”

    Fire Crotch

    Brendan Davis coined the phrase but now it’s time for Lindsay to live up to it and make it her own. Lindsay Lohan is Fire Crotch. It almost has kind of a superhero/graphic novel kind of feel. Who knows, it might lead to another career for LiLo. Costume is simple; pair of chaps or just jean with a hole cut in the crotch. She probably has a couple pair that already have the hole naturally. Friction and gonorrhea. Hey those can be her sidekicks!

     
     
     
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