10 Fictional Guns I Wish I Could Fire In Real Life
March 19, 2010 at 6:00 am by Billy D - (30) Comments
Guns. In real life, kinda scary. Or awesome. But fictional guns are ALWAYS awesome, because they usually cause more damage and don’t kill any real people. Which usually allows Directors and Prop Guys everywhere in Hollywood to make them especially elaborate and cool. So without further adieu, here are the ten coolest fictional guns I wish I could fire in real life.
10) Men In Black’s “Noisy Cricket”
It’s little, but it packs a big punch…. That’s what she said! Wait, no, not really. This little guy from “Men In Black” packs quite the whallop. Just make sure it doesn’t go off while it’s holstered in your belt. Not a good idea. Have you seen what that thing does to aliens, let alone your little alien??
9) Robocop’s Auto-9
Robocop’s piece is close to a Baretta…. only cooler. It fires three shots-per-trigger-pull and that allows you to be three times as much of a badass for the effort of one badass.
8 ) Minority Report’s Sonic Shotgun
As Tom Cruise is fleeing from imprisonment and his fellow pre-crime fighters, he hides amongst some obscure white barrels. Then… something happens… and he absconds with the pursuers Sonic Shotgun. Cruise, an excellent cop himself in this super-cool future world, bucks them down amongst a maze of empty barrels. The accompanying sound effect is also truly priceless. “Sonic” sound effects always sound interesting… maybe that’s because they sound like high-tech farts.
7) Hellboy’s Good Samaritan
This over-sized revolver is made from everything holy: The wood from Christ’s cross, blessed silver, Irish Church Bells, other crucifixes… Basically every Christian artifact. What better secret weapon for killing demons, eh? Religious symbolism, much? Ah well, he’s still cool.
6) Zorg’s ZF-1 from The Fifth Element
Check out this futuristic arms dealer’s spiel: “It’s light; handle’s adjustable for easy carrying; good for righties and lefties; breaks down into four parts; undetectable by X-ray; ideal for quick discreet interventions.” Oh, and it has a setting that fires all bullets at the same target regardless of direction, a grenade launcher, a net launcher, arrow launcher with some poisonous arrows and shit, a flamethrower, and an “icer,” not to mention all the materials and, well, enough of me, just listen close to Zong, son!
5) Marvin the Martian’s Acme Disintegrator Gun
A favorite firearm of Marvin the Martian, the ACME (A Company that Makes Everything) Disintegrator Gun packed a biiiig cartoon blast! Marvin was usually at arms with Duck Dodgers, though even the near-invulnerable Bugs Bunny lost his tail to this piece once or twice.
4) Han Solo’s DL-44 Heavy Blaster
Sure, those laser guns in Star Wars were all cool, but the baddest bounty hunter in the galaxy is bound to have the best (eg. illegal) hardware bounty money can buy. Not only does he ride the Millenium Falcon, the coolest cruiser in the galaxy, but he also fires this baby, which can fire lasers that can pierce storm trooper armor. In real life, the blaster’s design is based off the German Mauser C96 pistol, used in World War I by both the Germans and Ottomans. Sure, they might’ve lost World War I to the Allies, but hey, they might’ve done better against the Galactic Empire!
3) District 9’s Arc Gun
The Arc Gun is a serious piece of Alien Weaponry. It fires a bolt of FREAKING LIGHTENING. Moreover, it can only be shot by an alien hand (which the hero Wikus discovers after he develops an Alien hand after coming into contact with an alien substance), which is quite a cool/meaningful type of alien tech. How cool is it? It even impressed the Nigerian slum lord in this scene:
2) Ghostbusters’ Proton Pack
How cool were the Ghostbusters’ proton packs? Just type in “Ghostbusters Proton Pack” into youtube and see how many fan’s re-enactments you get. Seriously. There’s like a hundred.
That’s right, made of protons (to counter the negative energy of ghosts), the nuclear particle accelerator neatly straps onto your back. The pack is connected to the proton gun, which shoots and paralyzes rambunctious ghosts.Then, they are lead into a “trap” on the floor, where they are kept until they are emptied into the ecto-containment unit at headquarters.
1) The Golden Gun from The Man With The Golden Gun
The James Bond book and film The Man With the Golden Gun was NAMED after the signature weapon: The Golden Gun. It’s an “instant kill” firearm uses a 23-carat gold expanding bullet which flattens on impact. It can also be used as a cigarette lighter and case, a cuff link, and a pen, as this is the Bond universe we’re talking about. The gun belonged to Francisco Scaramanga (Christopher Lee), an assassin who started out as a trick-shot marksman in a traveling circus. Don’t mess. Unless you’re James Bond. Which you’re not.
I hate to be the first ubernerd to tell you this, actually, I don’t hate it, but whatever, HAN SOLO WAS NOT A BOUNTY HUNTER, IDIOT!!
And blasters don’t fire laser beams, HELLO! Why would they call them ‘blasters’ if they did?! They fire “blasts” of superheated gas – DID YOU EVEN LOOK THIS UP ON WOOKIEPEDIA????!!!!!!
Where did you get laid off from that you landed this job, the Glen Beck show?
From “Wookieepedia”
“The term blaster was often used interchangeably with the term laser in everyday conversation, both denoting the same type of particle beam weapon.”
Go sit on your light saber and spin.
Uhm…Yeah he is. N I think you’re takin it a weeeee too seriously lol.
What about the Lancer from Gears of War? Maybe not to much for the firing aspect but it’d be awesome to cut through some enemies with that piece of hardware!
Where the hell is the pulse rifle?
You forgot the gun from Judge Dread, which could be any gun. You just had say what type of gun you wanted to fire and it would. Also Han Solo was not a bounty hunter like the other guy said.
Thank you Milenko, in my blind rage, I forgot the mighty pulse rifle, and while I’m at it where is the BFG 9000?
As soon as I saw the title of the article, the first thing I thought of was the BFG 9000.
I was seriously disappointed that it was not included.
I lean more towards the Spreader Rifle from CONTRA
LOL another article by a clueless TV blogger. Han Solo was a smuggler, not a bounty hunter. This is worse then the time CNN published an article about Star Trek tech in the real world and slapped a picture of the Death Star in the title.
What a joke.
Um… Apature Science’s portal gun anyone??
Wow, How can you forget the Lancer from Gears of War? Seriously.
Also, let’s not forget the Fuel Rod Cannon from Halo.
and the zero-point energy field manipulator?
This article was weak. this list could have easily been 25 or hell even 50 hahaha.
What about the gun from Eraser? The rail gun that can see through the walls.
The robocop one is real, isn’t it?
http://www.imfdb.org/index.php/Beretta_M93R
“Don’t mess. Unless you’re James Bond. Which you’re not.”
Oh really now?
When you positively have to kill every mother trucker in the room…. Zorg ZF1. Accept no substitute….
I’ll take 2 please.
kudos for the ZF-1, that’s my pick from this list.
and, yes, there are a lot of things that could have gone on this list. however, all the aforementioned video game guns are shit compared to Fallout 3’s Fat Man and Syndicate Wars’ Gauss Gun. something that launches TINY NUCLEAR WEAPONS, or a small dildo-looking thing that BLOWS UP ANYTHING? you can’t beat those.
my other addition: “Reason” from Neal Stephenson’s “Snow Crash”, a man-portable gatling-style weapon that fires 3mm shards of depleted uranium fed from a computer-driven suitcase:
“…he sees what looks like a dark wave cresting over the rail, washing over the row of standing pirates … the dark wavelike phenomenon was a wave of blood, as though someone hosed down the deck with a giant severed aorta.”
“See, I told you they’d listen to Reason.”
Where is the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device?
No Pulse Rifle from “Aliens”??? Wow….shame on you guys. This article should be re-written considering the omission. Aliens single-handedly created the first person shooter genre of video games and this gun is a complete icon. Not to mention it is widely considered one of the 3 best movie sequels EVER. Oh, but great to know you included the District 9 Arc gun that nobody remembers. Pulse Rifle….#1 ever….not even on your list!!!
PULSE RIFLE BIIIIIITTTTTCCCHHHHHH!!!!!
The Rail Gun from Eraser and the all in one gun from Judge Dredd should have been on this list. Come to think of it there were loads of cool guns in the museum in Demolition Man.
Great list, it could have been expanded a lot. Lots of great weapons are missing. And another error, Baretta was a bad TV detective. The Italian arms maker is called Beretta.
Han Solo was not a bounty hunter, he was a smuggler.