8 Types of Birthday Celebrations

Ah, birthdays. Man’s celebration of making it around the sun another time without dying. In honor of each successive birthday, we at egotv feel one should up the ante every year and do something more amazing and awesome to let the world know that your birthday = badass. However, there are those who don’t aspire to such lofty goals and celebrate their day in less spectacular ways. With that being said, we’ve compiled a list of 9 types of birthday celebrations – the good, the bad, and the ugly…as described by popular music:

Viva Las Vegas

Happy b’day to meeee…

That’s right boys and girls, a trip to Las Vegas is one of the best birthday trips you can take…especially with your friends. Spend ridiculous amounts of money gambling, hook up with random strangers and pray they don’t rob you, and with any luck you might return home with all of your original body parts. Just remember their motto, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” Destroy all proof that you were ever there if you ever hope to be in a successful relationship.

I’m in Love with a Stripper

With any luck, this guy will provide the theme song…

Not in a relationship on your birthday? Who cares! Hire one! Everyone should have the opportunity to get some on their birthday…you came into this world on this day, may as well do it again! (see what I did there?) Anyway, birthday strippers are always a hit…as long as they don’t turn out to be undercover cops. That’s a bit of a birthday killjoy.

One Is the Loneliest Number

Insert your face here, dude.

No friends, no family, no problem. That’s what alcohol is for. Spending your birthday so incredibly blitzed that you can’t remember why you’re even drinking in the first place is one solution to your problem…and when you regain consciousness a few days later, your birthday will be over and you can get on with your life. Hopefully in your alcohol induced stupor you didn’t drunk dial anyone important, like your boss, and tell him what you REALLY think of him.

Go Shawty, It’s Your Birthday

Hang out with THESE guys on your birthday? WTF, nothin’ else to do!

You could always go out to the club for your birthday. Drunk chicks love to sing happy birthday, and if you play your cards right, they might even give you a BBJ. What’s a BBJ?  Birthday Bl…um…yeah, you can figure that one out on your own. Just remember, it never hurts to try. Channel your inner Rick James (via Dave Chappelle) and remind everyone that “It’s a celebration, bitches!”

Birthday Sex

Happy Birthday to you, good sir…

My personal favorite – birthday sex. Your girlfriend is contractually obligated to give you some lovin’ on your birthday. It’s in the Girlfriend Charter, created back in the early pages of some religious text somewhere…I don’t remember which one, but we all know it exists. Just don’t let her think that that’s her ONLY gift to you. I mean, that’s great and all, but you better spend a few dollars on me too, since you make me take you out on Valentine’s Day and your birthday and President’s Day and Arbor Day and…sorry, I digress…

Down With the Sickness

That’s…um…one way to spend your birthday…

You’re getting older, and you’re well aware of it, but you’re still badass enough to do something…well, badass. F*** it, you say, I’m doing something extreme! You sign up for something like bungee jumping or skydiving or shark wrangling to get the blood going and prove not only that you’re still alive but that you’ve got balls of steel. And if the chute doesn’t open or the bungee cord is too long or a f***ing shark eats you, then hey, you went out with a bang. Literally. Speaking of which…

Hey Man, Nice Shot!

Because some days are better than others…

So life’s a bitch and you’ve had enough, your girlfriend dumped you for your best friend’s lesbian dog, you’ve been out of work for a year and your parents have told you to go f*** yourself…so what should you do? Well, you could always take yourself out on the same day you came in to the world. It’s kind of poetic, and it make a statement. Of course, tomorrow you could win the lottery and all this crap could be turned around in a heartbeat…so maybe not.

The Reason

“HEY PAUL! IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!”

One option for your birthday is to use it as the excuse for any and every thing you’ve ever wanted to do. So, when people start approaching you about your actions, you’ve got a valid excuse:

“Say man, why’d you stab me in the kneecap?”

“It’s my birthday.”

“Dude, why’d you bang my girlfriend?”

“Cuz it’s my birthday, son!”

“Yo, muthaf***ah, why’d you steal my muthaf***in’ weed?”

…Run away screaming, “It’s my birthdayyyyyyyyy!”