How We Can Make Beauty Pageants More Appealing
March 8, 2010 at 8:36 am by Christopher Brown - (7) Comments
At first glance, beauty pageants should grab the attention of men and women alike. By definition, a beauty pageant’s purpose is to showcase the most beautiful, desirable woman for all to see. But, the truth of the matter is beauty pageants fall drastically short. Who’s definition of “desirable” and “beautiful” are we using? Moreover, what traits are we REALLY interested in seeing from the contestants? As it stands right now, beauty pageants are boring, awkward, and…well, did I mention boring? It’s about time we spice things up a bit.
1. Talent Portion
Yes, you're absolutely gorgeous, but can you juggle chainsaws?
Currently the talent portion of beauty pageants consists of singing, dancing, baton twirling, and other “talents” that are only so interesting and completely non-lethal. I don’t call that talent. I’d like to see a sharpshooter picking off targets from across the stage blindfolded, or someone spinning flaming batons, or maybe a chainsaw juggling act. Let’s see some REAL talent, ladies! Show me you can do something NO ONE ELSE CAN and STILL be hot in a swimsuit. Speaking of which…
2. Swimsuit Competition
Maybe, just maybe, if we had two hours of this much skin we'd pay more attention... just saying...
The entire pageant should be held in swimsuits starting with the one piece and progressing to the barely-there string bikini and thong. No guy I know gives a damn about the evening gowns, and moreover we’re all thinking about what’s under them, so let’s cut to the chase, shall we? And for the female viewers, this is more motivation to exercise and work out…if you’ve gotta rock a swimsuit for two hours and be active, you gotta work for that body! It’s win-win for everyone!
3. Athletic Competition
She can also throw a perfect spiral... my kind of woman!
Let’s make the competition a bit more fierce by having the ladies go through some a series of athletic challenges. I say we invite the American Gladiators to combat the pageant contestants in a series of obstacle courses. Additionally, the ladies should have to compete against each other in some form of hand to hand combat, mixed -martial arts, or maybe just good old fashioned mud wrestling.
4. Truth or Dare
We dare you to walk through Compton in that outfit.
Wouldn’t it be more interesting if the beauty pageant contestants had to play Truth or Dare during the competition? Answer an extremely embarrassing or ridiculous question for viewers’ amusement, or perform a wild or insane stunt. Either way, it’d be a helluvalot more interesting than watching them just stand there and wave with their Colgate smiles and their perky but hidden boobs.
5. The Final Question: Remember this?
Yeah. Nobody’s gonna forget that any time soon. Instead of going through something as ridiculous as that, let’s skip the final question altogether and replace it with a question we’d REALLY like to know the answer to:
“How long will it be before you pose for Playboy?”
Fuck juggling chainsaws, id like to see a woman cook me some eggs.
Wow, most impressive dude, I like it.
Jess
http://www.total-anonymity.us.tc
Everyone’s a winner in that competition.
I’m not sure it needs to be lethally dangerous — there’s no place for boys’ games where fine women are concerned.
I think the swimsuit is a good start, but they edit far too much of it out — and leave too much for the pomp and ceremony — they should finish it with a lingeries contest, the sexiest one wins.
and lastly, release a video of behind the scenes footage in the judges’ hotel suite, where the REAL decisions are made.
It’s very interesting.