Top 10 New Year’s Resolutions: Celebrity Edition

2009 has shaped up to be quite a year. For Celebrity Scandals. We wondered what the most notorious Celebs of 2009 might make as New Year’s Resolutions. If we had our way, they might go something like this:

Adam Lambert

“I’d like to learn how to play harmonica. This way I’ll have something else to do with my tongue on guitar solos.”

Michael Phelps

“I’m gonna insist all camera phones be checked at the door at bong parties from now on. And, oh yeah, get some new friends. Preferably people I know.”

Carrie Prejean

“I’ll be taking some sexual orientation sensitivity training classes. Right after I pose for Playgirl. And learn what the word ‘inappropriate’ means”

Chris Brown

“I’m going to finish up my community service sentence. Then I’m gonna get a new girlfriend. Is Chyna still available?”

Roman Polanski

“Topping my list is getting my passport updated. With somebody else’s name.”

David Letterman

“No more unpaid interns. Every new staff member goes right on the blackmail payroll.”

Mackenzie Phillips

“Write a tell all book about my secret affair with Schneider. He wasn’t really a plumber. He only played one on TV.”

Jon Gosselin

“Find a new babysitter. Eight is not enough.”

Kanye West

“I’m going to chuck my music career and become an acceptance speech writer.”

Tiger Woods

“Teach my wife how to use a 9 iron. On the back nine, instead of my two front teeth.”