10. A Gift Card

A gift card is something you get someone who you don’t really care about, nor desire to take the time to actually think about what they really want. It’s the kind of gift that you give a coworker. This is your girlfriend. You spent a lot of time with her and her gift should reflect how much you care and be thoughtful. ANYTHING is better than a gift card!

9. Cookware

Unless she asks for this or she just moved into a new apartment and is dire need for it, don’t get it for her. That’s boring. That’s like saying, “Ok woman, now go make me a sandwich.” How would you like if she got you a power cord? Or a light bulb? Yeah, exactly.

8. Season Tickets for Your Favorite Team

Would you like front row concert tickets to Carrie Underwood? My point exactly.

7. Alcohol

Just because your burnout friends were stoked about the bottles of Goldshlager (or Jaegermeister) you got for them doesn’t mean your girlfriend will respond the same way. Sure, you want her good and drunk, but you really should get that job done before she opens her gifts.

6. Twilight Calendar

There are few constants in the universe, and here’s one of them: chicks LOVE Twilight. But unless she’s 12 years old, a calendar won’t do it, buddy. Plus if you get that for her, you’ll have to look at what’s-his-face every time you’re over at her house.

5. Anything Originally Owned by Your Mother

Unless this is antique jewelry or something of that nature, you should never give her a hand-me-down. Especially for a Christmas present! Go out and spend your hard earned money, because she deserves it. Save the “free gifts” for another time.

4. Acne Cream

If you think giving your girl acne cream is a good idea, chances are you have really poor judgment. With this in mind, I’m going to state the obvious: when the inevitable argument begins, resist the urge to say, “It’s not for your face, it’s for your back.”

3. Exercise Equipment

If you’re dating a porker, it’s a bit unrealistic to think that a f-ing thighmaster is going to make her more attractive to you, or that it won’t be flying at your head moments after it’s unwrapped. Do yourself a favor and buy her something she actually wants, then pretend it’s Christina Hendricks the next time your hands are on her ponderous booty.

2. A Vibrator

Buying a vibrator for a woman you have sex with is basically admitting that you’re useless. It’s like hiring your replacement at work before giving your two-weeks notice.

1. Absolutely Nothing

So your girl said she doesn’t want to exchange gifts this year? Bullshit. This is really just woman-ese for, “I’m not buying you shit, but you damn well better get me something.” Technically, she didn’t lie, since you won’t be exchanging anything. Buy chocolates, a new pair of shoes, even a sweater for her cat: get her anything (as long as it’s not on this list). Anything! If not, enjoy your stay in the doghouse.

Thanks Manolith for this one!