We’ve all heard the celebrity rumors, and we never get tired of them. But how many of them are actually true, and how many are just delicious, delicious fantasies? Let’s dish…

Rumor #1)

Jamie Lee Curtis was born a man. Or at least with a penis, that was removed shortly after birth.

Is it true? Snopes.com lists the status of the rumor as “undetermined.” But my aunt, who is a doctor, swears that it is a well-known fact in the medical community that she was born with a penis. The case was studied because Jamie Lee was one of the first high-profile (her dad is legendary actor Tony Curtis) cases of intersexuality, where she was medically female, save the one, uh, thing. So we say: TRUE!

Rumor #2)

(Insert coquettish celeb here) had a gallon of semen pumped out of his/her stomach.

Been busy, Rod?

Is it true? No. Besides the obvious logistic hurdles involved in such an escapade, it turns out that semen isn’t toxic at all. So drink away, everyone!

Rumor #3)

Tom Cruise is gayer than a french horn, and became a Scientologist in an attempt to “cure” himself of it..

Am I crazy? Or am I the most SANE PERSON ALIVE?

Is it true? One of the most hilarious things we’ve heard is that Cruise’s “beard” Katie Holmes had to sign a contract promising to stay married for a set period of time, to reaffirm that their marriage isn’t the sham we all know it to be. But is the rumor inaccurate, or true? We’re going with yes. A family member on the inside track in Hollywood (and, correspondingly, Scientology) says it’s an open secret, and that’s why he’s so zanily dedicated to them: they’ve got the serious dirt.

Rumor #4)

Richard Gere put a gerbil in his special area.

Together... again?

Is it true? No. While he has never publicly denied it, there is no way on God’s green earth you could put a lid on this one. We think people just like the idea.

Rumor #5)

Admission to Yale’s “Skull and Bones” secret society requires some… interesting bouts of sexual humiliation. Specifically, George W. Bush had to masturbate in front of his father, who is also a member.

Is it true? Again, this falls into the Richard Gere “would be hilarious, but definitely is false” category. Again, no matter what the crappy movie tells you, elite secret societies aren’t that powerful. Someone would’ve talked by now.