Why do Women Like Jerks?

WHY DO GIRLS LIKE JERKS?  (THE DEFINITIVE ANSWER)

Seeing you guys stumble around in the dark has lost its appeal. I have information essential to the survival of humanity, information that I am tired of keeping to myself.

Everything humans do is geared towards obtaining the thing farthest from them.  The farthest thing from guys is always sex.  So, of course, everything guys do is geared towards obtaining sex.  Duh.

Men make the mistake of projecting their thought process onto women, and becoming frustrated when women do things that seem contrary to physical intimacy.  However, women can get sex anytime, so sex isn’t really a motivation for them.  What is a motivation, you say?  What is farthest from a woman?

Security. Women are not complex.  Women are just not men.

Women dangle the carrot of sex to get security, just like men use the notion of security to get sex.  If you can’t deal with the unwarranted emotional outbursts and the slight inconvenience of a canceled date, what does that say about your ability to handle more serious stuff — like… losing a job?

Now, women don’t think this entire process through as they reject and laugh at you for being a wuss — but if one could put words to an evolutionary process tens of thousands of years old — that would be it.

Women like jerks because jerks are more secure than you.

So what if the jerk treats her badly?  At least he’s got the balls to perform hair pulling donkey-punching erotic asphyxiating hot monkey sex without asking the mood killing question “are you OK?” every ten seconds.  (The answer is yes.  Those are screams of passion.) Giving a girl a real pearl necklace takes security — security you don’t have.  By the way, all that asking is why you’ll never get to do the things in the bedroom you really want.

…and it’s not all sex.

There are fewer nice people driving Porsches than there are jerks.  Jerks have the monopoly on Porsches because it takes a jerk to extract enough monetary profit from others to afford Porsches.  A demanding jerk also demands of others — aka employees, debtors, business associates, friends — and thus can bring home the Porsches, the country club memberships, and the petite fillet mignon. Yum.

Unpopular culture (YOU) attempt to emasculate the jerk by en-dubbing him with the more feminine pejorative “douchebag,” yet the handle gives you little peace, because you know it is, at best, a misplaced veneer for your own weakness.  A superficiality meant to fog the cause of blame for your crappy sexless life into an opaque haze, with neither source nor target. This fog does little more than cloud over the mirror in which you should be viewing yourself.

Seriously; like right now, your bathroom mirror?  Wipe the fog off and stare at it. You don’t shave your neck right, you never learned how to use cologne, you’re out of shape, you’ve become complacent at work, you can’t dance, your shirt doesn’t fit, your shoes are scuffed, you know nothing of art or literature, your posture’s bad, you don’t know what wine to pick at dinner, you don’t cook, and your teeth are yellowing.

You don’t treat yourself too good.

Who’s the jerk?