Top 10 Ugliest Cheerleaders

Mmmm… Cheerleaders.

Guys, we know that from the time we started noticing girls, cheerleaders were at the top of the food chain. The only thing better than dating a cheerleader? Dating a cheerleader with a twin sister who was also a cheerleader. And into non-traditional relationships.

But in the last few years Cheerleaders have changed. What was once the strict domain of only the top tiered Chicks has become as watered down as a Strip Club Jack and Coke. And with the widespread proliferation of barely accredited “Universities” with so much as a Jai-Alai squad, Cheerleader standards have crumbled faster than a 5-stack pyramid topped off by Helen Keller’s Great Grandniece. Thanks Title IX!

We got to wondering what one of those Cheerleader auditions must be like when the talent pool drains faster than a freshman’s bladder just before the kegger hat gets passed around. So we present the Top 10 Ugliest Cheerleaders in the hope that the insanity will end. Go Hot Chicks!

10.

Hey! Nice Guns! But, sorry… no dudes. Wait… what? Oh no! You poor dear… Maybe you should lay off the steroids and ramp up the calcium intake? Remember the mantra… “I must. I must. I must increase my bust.” NEXT!

9.

Umm… didn’t you get the message? Chicks only today. Wait… Oh. My. Gawd!!! What’s in the water at this school??? Come back when you grow a pair. NEXT!

8.

OK. Now we’re talking. Finally. A girl. With boobs. Right? Wait a minute! I know you! Haven’t you done enough damage Mr. Lohan? Your daughter’s career is in the toilet because of you! Keep moving… NEXT!

7.

Oh no… Sweetheart. I know you’ve dreamed of being a Cheerleader all your life. But seriously. Did you have to do so many bench presses? Come back when your legs slim down a bit. And maybe start shaving them? Also. Lay off the spuds. I know you’re from Idaho and all, but really. NEXT!

6.

That’s enough! Who’s playing jokes around here? This is serious business! We’ve GOT to get a squad together before the big game Saturday! No more practical jokes please. Keep walking dude. But, if I may suggest… ROTC is looking for a few good men. NEXT!

5.

Hold on! How did you get in here? The “Pro Condom Use” commercial auditions are down the hall! Now put that guy down and play nice! Oh. And by the way… I think you nailed the job. NEXT!

4.

Uh-Oh… I’m detecting a disturbing trend here. Sorry. We need girls well-versed in the basic skills. Tricks come later on, OK? Come back next year. When I’m retired. But hey! Number 13! Go see Coach Johnson… he’s looking for an anchor man for his last chance at taking the Weightlifting team to the Olympics. And you’re a shoo-in! NEXT!

3.

Note To Self: Talk to Mrs. Barton in Home Ec… She’s gotta stop teaching these girls how to sew three uniforms together and sneaking into my auditions. I’m not blind you know! Oh. And talk to Mr. Comito in Woodworking Shop. These floorboards are gonna need some nailing down. NEXT!

2.

Call The Janitor! Tell him to bring a mop and bucket. With A LOT of Pine-Sol. NEXT!

1.

We’re Doomed. I Quit!