Super Cliff Notes: 10 Great Books in 20 Words or Less

Nothing makes you sound like you actually know a thing or two about a thing or two like talking up a classic book. But In the Tweet Age, who has time to actually read a sprawling 75,000 word manifesto on the human condition? Not you, dear reader. You got sh** to do, like, yesterday. So cut to the chase, read this list, and dazzle that special someone with your worldly know-how.

1. Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

Always look out for #1- that’s you, big guy!   If you disagree with me, you’re a Communist.

2. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Come to think of it, injecting alcohol into fetuses to make them stupid might have negative consequences.

3. Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger

The world is almost totally full of fake people. Being a sensitive person, I am not one of them.

4. The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli

You might just be shift-leader now, but if you’re a big enough asswipe, one day you’ll be assistant manager.

5. The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

It is highly possible that women do not want to lay around all day waiting to be impregnated.

6. Dune by Frank Herbert

People who grew up in the desert having to drink the water distilled from their own pee could kick your ass.

7. Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut

Everyone’s a bunch of assholes, and nobody truly understands one another. Man, I’m depressed.

8.  Junky by William S. Burroughs

Being a violence-prone heroin addict and alcoholic who plays with guns apparently gets you into some downright kooky situations.

9. Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

Kind of the original “bromance,” but without any pretense of heterosexuality.

10. Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce

Oops!  Nobody’s actually read this. But people say they have to sound smart. Just talk about “imagery” and become one of them!