Hi-Tech Sex Toys

When I got my first silent mode vibrating beeper, I have to admit, I had an extraordinary thought. It was no bigger than a novelty ballpoint pen. It was smooth and made of plastic. With a rounded end. Kinda like a brush handle. Or a…

Suddenly I had the thought of a new game I could play with my girlfriend! One that relied on the new system feature of Auto Speed Redial. Turns out, If I’d have developed the thought a little further (I tried. She gave me one of those looks) I could have been a Cell Phone / Sex Toy Gazillionaire.  It’s not the first time I’ve missed a life changing opportunity. Ever heard of MicroHard? Don’t ask…

Luckily, there are plenty of imaginative inventors out there who act on moments of inspiration and actually do something about it.

So here are some of what we think are the best examples of Hi-Tech Sex Toys.

OhMiBod -- Vibrating iPod: Taking my original idea one step further, the OhMiBod vibrates to your favorite set list. Stick with the pre-set program or upload your own. Brings new meaning to the term, “Shake, Rattle & Roll.”

Musical Condoms: Before we get too deep, remember to practice safe sex! And what better way than if the condom you use provides the mood music? These prophylactics are fitted with a tiny speaker in the tip that is motion sensitive. The more you Rock, the more it Rolls! So Pump Up The Volume!!!

Molecular Condom: Scientists at a Utah lab are developing a gel which is inserted vaginally and, triggered by body temperature, seeks out and destroys any sperm it encounters. Mmm… sexy! Wonder what kind of tube it’ll come in?

Vortex Vacuum Vibrator: A UK housewife came up with this one when a piece of rubber got stuck in her nozzle. Sure. Oh well, as the old saying goes, “Mother is the necessity of invention.” Wait…  something like that. At least now we know why she doesn’t seem to mind cleaning up as much as she used to.

Celebrity Sex Dolls: Eva, Sarah Jessica, … Susan Boyle? Now you can have your way with your favorite Hollywood Hottie! And all your friends said you’d never score with a Movie star! Buy now before inflation puts one out of your reach…

Rabbit Travel Vibe: Taking a long drive? Plug this into your cigarette lighter and the miles will fly by without a care in the world! Also perfect for the morning commute, but don’t expect to get too much work done by the time you hit the office. Try explaining this one to the tow truck driver next time your battery dies in the parking lot…

Eco Sexy Kit: When the lovemaking is over, there’s all the messy stuff still to clean up. And it’s against the law to just pour stuff blindly down the drain. Worry no more! With these environmentally safe ingredients you can flush without fretting over what might end up in the landfill for the next thousand years. Now in addition to being green with envy and green with jealousy, you can be Green with lust too!

Recycled Vibrators: Since we bring up the sore subject of the environment, it’s nice to know that LoveHoney will take used vibrators and recycle them for us! Really. Just mail them your used vibrator and they’ll give you a discount on a new one.

We’d hate to work in that mail room…