Dumb Things That Only Rich People Own

It must be nice. There’s an old saying. “What do you get for the (Man / Woman) who has everything?” Well, maybe it was a problem before the world woke up and figured out that, as George Carlin once said, “nail two pieces of crap together and some dumb schmuck will buy it.” It turns out we don’t have to buy new things for the super rich – they’re more likely to get them for themselves.

So here’s a list of Dumb Things Only Rich People Own. When you have more money than you can ever possibly spend in your lifetime, it seems there are a lot of pieces of crap nailed together out there.

Fool’s Gold Loaf

Elvis Presley once paid $50,000 for one of these PB&J sandwiches slathered with a pound of bacon. Why so much? He had it flown in to Graceland from his favorite Denver restaurant. Talk about constipation. But since The King had his very own throne toilet he could spend as much time as necessary to flush out the old plumbing system. Unfortunately, that last dump killed him.

Braselton, Georgia

In 1989 actress Kim Basinger bought THE WHOLE TOWN of Braselton, Georgia. 4 years later she filed for bankruptcy and had to sell off the property. Kim Basinger had 20 million bucks? Who knew making crappy movies paid so well? Oh wait. She was the hot chick in Wayne’s World, right? Still, no wonder Alec Baldwin felt like jumping out his luxury suite window.

The Statue of David

As the CEO of Tyco (before it blew up and went bankrupt), Dennis Kozlowski threw his wife a 40th birthday party that included a replica statue of The David urinating Stolichnaya vodka. He later was convicted of stealing 80 million dollars from the company. Guess some people don’t like being pissed on.

Kitty Wigs

You know. In case you cat has an inferiority complex. Or is forced to go into the Witness Protection Program. For being a Rat. Sorry. Couldn’t resist that. Technically, you don’t have to be rich to buy these at 50 bucks a pop, but you sure have to be dumb.

The GoldVish Le Million

A diamond encrusted cell phone? This model is billed as the most expensive in the world, coming in at $1.5 Million. Imagine the ring tones… hope texting isn’t too difficult.  LOL! ROTFLMAO… u r sch a dshbg!

The $1000 Dessert

After quaffing down a $10,000 filet mignon there’s only one way to cap off the meal. But a $1000 parfait? It better be topped with gold. Oh good. It is.

The World’s Most Expensive Vibrator

For $1,500 bucks this better be good. Luckily the specs are well detailed. Egg-shaped, gold plated and splash-proof this high end sex toy has been very thoughtfully designed. Still, for a G and a half can’t you hire like 3 guys for the evening instead? At least this is one item that will never be nailed together. You can only use it when you decide to get nailed alone.