The 20 Hottest Athlete-o-philes

These women can’t stop loving athletes, and we can’t stop loving them. Dammit! Why couldn’t I be a Russian hockey star? Here’s a rundown, courtesy of The Bleacher report of the ladies who love athletes, some with very specific tastes (I’m looking at you, starting-pitcher-o-phile Alyssa Milano!)

MADONNA (#20)

Jose Canseco in the 90s, a post-divorce A-Rod in the 2000’s, one thing is clear: Madonna likes steroids…. I mean, cleanup hitters. I’ve also heard Madonna likes to inject herself with B-12 before every show (hey, it’s not easy to shake those 50-year-old moneymakers on stage every night anymore), so maybe she just likes a good “needle party” every now and then with whomever may be her current Latin squeeze.

TONI BRAXTON (#16)

Toni Toni Toni, you made my list because you actually broke up one of the best back courts in the NBA! Back when the Dallas Mavericks were sporting the skills of three premiere guards Jason Kidd, Jimmy Jackson, and Jamal Mashburn, Braxton arrived at the team hotel one night to pick up her date, Jason Kidd. She left with his teammate, Jimmy Jackson. Kidd soon demanded to be traded. I’ve heard of homewreckers, but team-wreckers? That ain’t right, Toni!

ALYSSA MILANO (#13)

If you are not a starting pitcher in the major leagues, Alyssa Milano will not date you. Yes, she is that specific. Are you a closer? Middle reliever? Second baseman? Sorry,  not good enough for Alyss. Can I call you Alyss? Oh wait, I’m not starting pitcher (though I was in little league ! Alyssa? Did you hear that?… Hello?) Milano started off with Carl Pavano, then moved on to Barry Zito, then Brad Penny, and then Tom Glavine. Interesting that the pitchers she dates seem to be getting older and more legendary as he goes along. But hey, you gotta give the girl credit. She isn’t into athletes merely for the status, she’s actually a true baseball fan and appreciates the artistry that goes into pitching 6-8 innings on a weekly basis. I’d now like to humbly invite her to join my fantasy league. Oh, and if you’re Clayton Kershaw’s girlfriend, I’d watch out.

GABRIELLE UNION (#9)

Union, like Braxton, has set her sights on taken athletes recently, but at least she’s only wrecking homes, not back-courts. Union was previously married to football player Chris Howard, and has also dated Derek Jeter (who’s probably had half the women on this list). Recently, Union was called out by one anonymous NBA player’s wife for going after married men, including Dwyane Wade… who is now divorced and dating Union. Ah, Gabrielle… man-eater, home-wrecker, maybe they should call you Gabrielle DISUnion! Hahahahahahahaha…. ahhhh…

… that was awful. I apologize.

ELISHA CUTHBERT (#3)

Ahhhhhhhhhhlisha, we’re big fans. Probably almost as big of a fan as you are of the NHL, for you are the ice-melter that caused a minor scandal when your ex-boyfriend, Sean Avery of the Los Angeles Kings (when they were dating) called out more current Cuthbert boyfriends Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames and Mike Komiserak of the Toronto Maple Leafs for taking his “sloppy seconds.” Classy. Avery was then  suspended for six games by the league. I guess the commissioner was hoping to score some chivalry points defending Elisha’s honor, and we certainly can’t blame him for trying.

For the rest of the top 20 and to find out who’s number 1, check out the full list at bleacherreport.com!