It’s that time of year… the weather cools, and yet the girls’ outfits get… skimpier? Must be Halloween. That magical, bacchanal time of the Fall season. By now we know the clichés… On October 31^st, girls from all across the country and the rest of the world  partake in a galactic battle of cleavage bearing-superhero-chicks, lipsticked vampires, and naughty catholic schoolgirls, vying for sexual superiority against Catwomen, sexy “feminine” versions of traditional male occupations like cops and firemen (therapists, have a field day with that one), slutty Genies, slutty Little Bo Peeps, and slutty Nuns, to see who can out-slut them all in the yearly contest for  world domination!

But what about the guys? How do we males up our sex appeal on a night when women all over the country’s Halloween parties have their inhibitions lowered and their insecurities heightened?

5 COSTUMES TO GET YOU LAID

1. Zorro: The masked man of mystery. The long hair, the black mask, the extra- long sword. The Zorro costume will have the ladies wondering “who is that mysterious man in black?” Anthony Banderas?… Remember Johnny Depp in the movie “Don Juan Demarco” playing the greatest lover in the world? He definitely stole his outfit from from the Zorro motif. And if you’re at a party with a sexy “Consuela,” this is one hot ice-breaker.

2. Dracula: Another classic. And please, make it Dracula. Not “Twilight’s” Edward Cullen. Vampires are all the rage now because yes, women find neck-nibbling sexy, and that black cape is quite the style staple. But please, go with the classic. Don’t pander with the lame-ass Twilight spin … your intentions to capitalize on this year’s tween- girl fantasy will be all too transparent. I don’t even know how you would make that a costume anyway, since Twilight Ed is just a pale high school goth dude anyway, with fangs.

3. Gangster: Fact: Zoot-suits are cool. Fact: Gangsters exude the “I’m dangerous but stylish” message that the ladies can’t resist. Fact:  With this year’s film “Public Enemies,” starring Mr. Depp (again…hmmm), a beer-goggled female might see your awesome 1920’s get-up  late into the party and see Johnny Depp’s head on top instead of yours… notice a running theme, here? Look for the girl adorned with the “roaring twenties” flapper hairstyle, and ask her if she’d like to go out back and rob a bank.

4. Pirate: This swashbuckling figure, despite weeks at sea with no showers and lots of rum, still manage to arouse the dangerous passions of fair maidens of Britain and their West-Indian colonies. This ear-ringed, bandanna-ed, 18th century version of the Hell’s Angels are sure to do well on all-hollow’s eve. Oh yeah, and again, Johnny Depp played one recently as “Captain Jack” in the Pirates of the Caribbean series.

5. Any authority/enforcement figure: This includes policemen, firemen (a favorite of the ladies), a Marine, a Navy Seal, GI JOE, heck even a Ghostbuster if you want to go with the whole movie character thing. Fact: women love a man in uniform, and even though the aforementioned four costumes are outlaws, you can still be dangerous for the side of the good and the just. Just make sure that you let that lady (when she’s 3 long-islands into her night) wear your cap or attach one of your handcuffs to her wrist… maybe until the next morning!

Is there costume that we missed? Let us know in the comments below! And stay tuned for the top 5 Halloween Costumes that definitely won’t get you laid!